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Life Stories News

A Few More Scars, A Few More Stories

Hey Global Family.

I’m really sorry it has been so long. I checked the date from my last post and apparently it was all the way back in January. A lot has happened in that time (including me finishing my internship in July). A large part of why I’m writing this is to update those who were following my year as to what happened and what I will be doing next.

I guess I’ll start with perhaps the main reason as to why I stopped writing these posts. I made a post called “God and Anxiety” all the way back in last October, in which I shared a part of my story with anxiety and depression up until that point. To keep this part brief, what I’ll say is that depression came back with a vengeance. I’m not going to be sharing a whole lot about that on the internet at this stage in time, but for the sake of updating others what I will say is that when I wrote my “God and Anxiety” post I was writing from the perspective of someone who naively believed his darkest days were behind him. I was wrong.

However, please let me be clear, my year of interning in Harrogate was well and truly amazing, and the sheer amount of support I had from others was truly such a blessing and I would not have got through it without it. And God was so very much in my year, despite the hardship that came with it. God got me through one of my first adventures out in the big wide world post school. One of the things that I have taken away from this year is yes, a few more scars, but also a few more stories, many of which point to how awesome God is.

But the being made “unshakeable” was perhaps… not well put. When I wrote that last October, I thought God had made me unshakeable because of what I had been through. But it is not me that is unshakeable, it never has been, and God doesn’t expect me to be. God is unshakeable. To quote one of the best movies ever made, “Life is pain.” And that means we get shaken, we stumble, we fall, we get oh-so-very-much wrong. But God is unshakeable, and that’s what I can hold on to in the darkest times. Not my own strength, not believing that if I just knuckle down, if I just implement this coping strategy, if I just do this, if I just do that, that I’ll get through it. Because truthfully, Global Family, I wouldn’t have got through this year if that was the case. Don’t get me wrong, some of those things are important and helpful (some of them not). But it is not the strength of myself, but the beautiful juxtaposition that is strength that comes in surrender to our unshakeable God. Strength in surrender.

So, God keeps taking me deeper, and if this last year was for anything, it was for that. But I have a feeling that that is never going to stop. And quite frankly, I’m looking forward to it.

I do also wish to say thank you to everyone who became some of my absolute closest friends throughout this year before I move on to what I will be doing next. So many of you I consider as family now, and I honestly cannot thank you all enough, from my host family, my mentor and his family, the leader of the young adult’s group I was a part of, the head of the New Wine hub I was attached to, and particularly my line manager/vicar and my partner in crime throughout the year, the other intern at Kairos. Thank you all for absolutely everything you have done for me, and don’t you worry, you won’t be getting rid of me that easy, I’ll keep showing up.

I also want to quickly thank my family, simply because they are awesome. But the other group of people I really wish to thank are all those who have financially supported me throughout the year. I literally would not have been able to do the year without you. God bless you all and thank you again.

So then, what’s next for me? Well, I am off to university in less than a few weeks. I will be heading off to Durham to do a degree in Theology and Religion. I am very excited for this next adventure! I will likely do a Facebook post on this, but please do be praying for me as I start another journey.

I hope to still ocaisionally throw a post up on here, but I will have to wait and see. Might even do a cheeky bit of rebranding and change the name of the blog.

Until the next time wonderful Global Family, may you have Shalom in your Guts and God bless.

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Rants

Rebellious Joy

It has been a while since I have put out any new posts, and there are a few reasons for that. I have actually written around four other posts, but none of them sounded right or I did not feel like it was the right time to release them. The other reason is one I am sure many people will empathise with: I feel very weary.

I have had many conversations with people over the last few weeks and even months that echo this. Whether it be hearing about parents who are feeling they are not doing a good job parenting their children resulting in feelings of inadequacy, to church leaders who just want to lead, and even to people who are just downright sick of everything (and to be very honest with you, dear reader, that last one I feel quite often). Hello 2021, we’re all exhausted, can you let us take five? We are in this mode where life feels so monotonous and tiring because you feel as if you are merely existing rather than living.

It is in times like these turning to Jesus is incredibly difficult. When there is a lot of pain and hardship going on in my life, in some ways I find it easier to turn to God about it, because whatever is happening is usually more obviously out of my control, so I have to turn to God about it.

But this feels different. Imagine you are going for a run and you are constantly looking in front of you. You are running until, without realising it, you begin to start ‘running’ through a muddy bog. You are putting in just as much, if not more effort than you usually would but are going nowhere near as fast or as far as you were. That is what I see many people feeling like right now, and it is in these times that many of us, including myself, find it difficult to turn to Jesus. That is because at the end of the day you are still moving, even if it is very slowly, so it can feel as if you do not need to rely on God to help you through it, like you have still got everything under control.

However, global family, you are not going to get through that muddy bog on your own. At some point you are going to have to ask for someone to help pull you out. Personally, this is a hard pill for me to swallow as it means swallowing my pride and also addressing the fact that God does in fact have my best interest and knows better than I do. So, we must turn to Jesus with it.

However, my dear reader, I want to address the fact that this really is hard, and I do not want to make light of that. It may be in your weariness that you cannot find the words to pray, and that is okay, and I empathise. But something that I myself am still learning and attempting to practice is that even in these moments where we do not seem to know how to pray, Jesus gave us words to use in what we now call the Lord’s Prayer which can be found in Mathew 6:9-13/Luke 11:2-4. Or maybe even using liturgy, I would suggest looking the Northumbrian liturgies, or the Celtic Liturgies, or if you really would like to give it a go, I would suggest a book called Every Moment Holy.

It is in these times where we struggle to come to our knees where we must do precisely that. I will push you and myself even further by saying that this is a time to delight in God when for many of us I imagine it is the last thing you want to be doing. I was listening to a sermon of one of my favourite speakers and theological and church leader hero’s, Jon Tyson, recently and in the talk, he talked about how towards the beginning of the pandemic he and his wife got Covid, and his wife got ill so badly that they were facing a reality where she might not make it. But he said he was having some time with God during all of this and he kept getting this sense that he should be delighting in God and it was the very last thing he wanted to be doing.

If your delighting needs to involve lamenting, then lament! Around two thirds of the Psalms have themes of lament in them. However, all but one of those two thirds also has delighting in and thankfulness to God in them. I encourage you to use them if you need the words to help you express your grief so that you may delight in the Lord.

Church let us delight in God’s presence even in and particularly in this season where it is the last thing we feel like doing. Life is hard, and again, I do not want to make light of that fact, but it is now more than ever that we need to turn to the One who truly loves us, to the One where our joy comes from.

Psalm 136:1, “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever.”

Bit by bit, step by step, prayer by prayer, He will lead us out of this muddy bog. So, rebelliously delight in the Lord against the feeling of the day. For He is leading you out.

Shalom in your guts.

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Rants

Inter spem et metum

‘Between hope and fear.’

This is how I see the world right now. We are on a knife edge, prepared to topple either to fear or hope.

In this last week alone the US presidential election has been taking place, and it seems whatever the result, the ‘United’ States of America will not be particularly united. In Vienna, the terrorist shooting that has left at least 4 dead and 23 wounded. In the UK, a new month-long-but-potentially-longer national lockdown announced and begun. This without mentioning the hurricane of chaos that has been the prior months in 2020.

It is now, in the wake of all that has happened and is happening, that despairing is all but tempting. “Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.” Alternatively, going and panic buying toilet paper once again (because it is definitely going to help you) as the apocalypse is here.

The climate of the day is fear-ridden. If you are feeling afraid at the moment, I would not hold anything against you. If we are being honest, there is a great deal that appears terrifying at present.

However, global family, hope is the alternative option in this situation we are living in.

Full disclosure: it is also by far the more difficult option. Choosing hope means that you are more likely to be disappointed when you feel as if things are still not working out. It can and often will mean pain. But let me explain how it is still worth it.

Now, before I go any further, let me just clarify, when is say ‘hope,’ I do not mean happy-clappy optimism. If that is what I meant, I would fail in dramatic fashion, likely in a flaming ball of frustration and pessimism. I also do not mean denial of injustices and wrongs taking place in the world, as hope is not a denial of these things, but rather a perseverance against them.

One of my favourite stories in the Bible is the story of Elijah, who was the last prophet of God left after all the rest had been killed, after he had just seen an amazing act of God and slaughtered all of the prophets of Baal, he is forced to flee for his life from Jezebel and Ahab. And what does he do? 1 Kings 19:4, “He came upon a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough Lord,’ he said, ‘Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.’ For me personally, this is one of the most beautifully relatable moments in the entirety of the Bible. Elijah is despairing. He has given up. First half of verse 5, ‘Then he lay down and fell asleep.’ The way I have pictured this is Elijah curled in the foetal position and weeping as he eventually falls asleep, exhausted.

But God does not let the story end there. Second half of verse 5 and verse 6, ‘All at once an angel touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat.’ He looked around, and by his head was some baked bread and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.’ God’s immediate solution to Elijah being suicidal, depressed and exhausted; A nap and a snack. Do not underestimate what God can do with a nap and snack. At this point, I imagine Elijah is still unable to do very much of anything, as he has just been woken and served food and drink by an actual angel, and his impulse is to just go back to sleep.

After this, a few things happen. Elijah is woken again by the angel, goes on a journey to the mountain he is told to go to, and stays in a cave there. Then God gets him to go stand on the mountain and a storm-like wind, an earthquake and fire roar pass him, but the Bible says, ‘but the Lord was not in these.’

It is what came after these displays. ‘A voice like a gentle whisper.’ A whisper. That is all.

God then shows Elijah something incredible: he is not the last prophet. He gives Elijah his hope.

Elijah despaired. Elijah gave up. But God met him where he was. God saw that he had fallen on the knife edge he walked upon and gave him hope. He gave him hope in something eternal.

This is what I am going to encourage, global family. Lift your eyes to something eternal. I know how much pain there is in the world right now. I know how much conflict there is. I know how much fear there is. But there is still hope because there is still God. God did not go on holiday for 2020.

So, hope in God, is that it? Well yes and no. Saying, ‘hope in God’, is much easier said than done. But, global family, we are not just trusting God for the time of now, we hope in what is to come. That is the something eternal. Revelation 21. That is the day that we as Christians hope for. We pray for the second coming of Christ and the new heaven and the new earth and Eden restored. We hope and pray for the day where, ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes.’ But most importantly, we hope for when we can praise God for all of eternity.

That is what this is all about.

So, we walk this knife edge between hope and fear, but even if you fall to fear, just like Elijah, God finds you.

Christ has power over fear.

Hope is in Christ.

Christ is our hope eternal.

Shalom in your guts, global family.

Categories
Life Stories

God and Anxiety

I’m going to start with this; In the UK, 20% of all teenagers have some sort of mental health issue. That is one in every five teenagers. One. In. Five. I find that terrifying, that so many youths of this nation are struggling to this degree. It is an incredibly dark place to be in, feeling trapped and plagued by the inside of your mind. I should know. I have been there. I went through it. So where is God in it all?

I first realised that I could have anxiety towards the end of Year 9. I was 14 years old. I’ve known throughout most of my life that generally I am just quite a worried person, finding reason to worry or being negative about pretty much anything. It’s also probably worth mentioning that only a year prior I had moved from Australia where I was born and where I had done all of my growing up until that point. It was only after I moved to the UK that the general worrying and anxiousness was actually becoming a real, ever-present issue. Everyone worries. Everyone feels anxious. Not everyone has anxiety. 

So, I had a summer of realisation. It was actually in a Soul Survivor meeting in the summer where I was listening to Andy Croft give a talk on his own battle with anxiety, and I realised how much my own experience of what was happening in my own head and mind somewhat matched up to what he was describing he went through. I burst into tears while he was still talking. I felt God saying to me, “You’re not alone, I’ve got you and I love you,” over and over again. With the benefit of hindsight, I think that was God telling me one of the lessons I was going to be learning over the next few years, because it really did take me years to fully believe that.

Even though I had that experience, I still kept it to myself for the most part. Year 10 started, and with it, anxiety that can only be induced by the great terror, GCSE’s. Now school was in no way the only thing that triggered anxiety, but it certainly was one of the key causes. It’s actually the secondary school and university student age group (12-25-year olds) that have the highest rate of depression in the country, (see the corelation?). But other causes for me were that other people that were struggling with mental health related things, or even just general life struggles, they would often come to me and ‘dump’ all this on me, which takes its toll.

This was about the time where I began to have panic attacks regularly. For those who do not know, a panic attack is an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety that can result in hyperventilation, large amounts of sweating, nausea and trembling and shaking. On average, they last between 5-30 minutes. From experience, you feel as if you are completely out of control of absolutely everything. I’d like to say that I was looking for God and praying about it, which, sure, I was doing, but not really. I just felt trapped. But then someone noticed…

My English teacher. She noticed something was wrong. She noticed I was struggling. So, she took me out of the classroom during one lesson and very gently asked me what was wrong. But she didn’t just listen and hear me out. She organised a meeting with my parents (although first asked me if that were okay) about how we could work on coping strategies. I didn’t see it like this at the time, or at least not fully, but God had opened the eyes of my amazing English teacher to see that I was struggling.

This was the first point where I started receiving help from others. I learnt first-hand, that as much as you might try, you won’t be able to get through it on your own. God made us relational creatures for a reason. We’re not supposed to do it on our own. My mum organised a doctor’s appointment and went to it with me where I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Panic Attacks, with mild depression. He pointed me in the direction of a few good options to look at with organisations and counsellor’s that work with young people struggling with mental health issues.

Now, as I am writing this, I can tell you that throughout my life I have had between 7-9 counsellors (I’ve lost count, but it’s definitely around that), starting from when I was in Year 2. Let’s just say I’ve picked up a few things.

Year 10 was and has been one of the hardest years of my life. I was in an incredibly dark place. Some days were better than others. But other days, even full weeks, where I just felt numb. It wasn’t that I was feeling constantly sad, it was that sometimes it was hard to feel anything. Looking back on it now, I really do see where God was in it. There’s a song called, “Another In The Fire” by Hillsong UNITED that I found a number of months ago, but it made me think back to those times where I just hid under my duvet and cried, or the times where I had suicidal thoughts. But I have realised God was there. He was there. He never left me. No matter how alone I felt, no matter how many panic attacks I had, no matter how numb I got, God was still there, and still is with me.

Now the story doesn’t end there. Year 11 was also an incredibly hard time, but perhaps not quite as dark as Year 10. But I was still battling through a great deal, and of course I still had those dark days, particularly when an older man who I looked up to a great deal died after battling cancer. This was a trigger for me that sent me into another rough patch. However, my mum, being the amazing woman she is, decided to really push to get me another counsellor. At this point, I had a much firmer foundation built on the last few years of struggle. God had been laying the groundwork for me to have a great strength in my faith in him, and when you have faith in God, you become unshakeable.

There was one point where I realised how much God had done in me, how much years of struggle, counsellor after counsellor, so many people praying and going into spiritual battle for my soul, had done in me. I was sat in my GCSE English Language exam. I got to the part of the exam where I had to write a descriptive writing piece based on a stimulus. The stimulus I was given was a picture of an old man. So, I wrote about the man that I looked up to that had died only a few months earlier. I used my GCSE exam as therapy. Not only that, I just played worship music round and round in my head after I finished. I was at peace in the exam hall and had let go of a personal grief. God truly is amazing.

I discovered that having anxiety and depression were not things that I could cure and get rid of, but things that I, with God’s help, could learn to manage. I fully understand that God is infinitely powerful and good and could take away all my struggles and heal me in an instant. But it is in the fire and the darkness that I have found God. It is in the trials and the pain that I have found God. It is through the panic and the numbness that I have learned to feel God. This has been pain with a purpose.

I cherish what I have been through. I celebrate God’s victory that I am still alive. This is God’s victory. Do I still have days where I am low and depressed? Yes. Do I still have days where I am anxious and having a panic attack? Yes. But God is still victorious. Anxiety has no hold on me. Depression has no hold on me. The darkness I have been through is nothing compared to the light that comes from Jesus. John 1:4, “In him was life and that life was the light of all mankind.”

You are not your anxiety. You are a wonderful and beautiful child of God.

And He is victorious.

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Rants

Shalom in Your Guts

As you, dear reader, are probably more than aware, it is 2020, and for many 2020 has meant great hardship. Bushfires on a level never before seen, protests against systemic racism that has been built into our culture, not to mention a global pandemic that no nation on Earth has not felt the effects of, and so so so much more.

I could do the whole, “God is going to use this time for something greater” speech, which is absolutely true, God is going to use this time for something greater, but that’s not what I want to focus on right now.

Something that was prayed over me the night before I moved to Harrogate just a few weeks ago, (it’s really only been a few weeks?!), was shalom in my guts. Now I know that sounds a bit odd. But let me quickly explain. Shalom is a hebrew word that is usually used as a greeting or a goodbye that means peace, (it can also mean harmony, wholeness or completeness). The prayer that was prayed over me, it wasn’t shalom in my head, so that I would know it mentally and psychologically. It wasn’t even shalom in my heart, which is an area that the Bible draws great attention to, (Jesus talks about the heart often, for example when he is challenged on what is the greatest commandment and he responds with, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind”). It was shalom in my guts. Shalom in my very most inner core of my being, in my very soul. Shalom in my guts.

A resounding peace in everything I am.

Now, in my past, I have gone through seasons of dealing with and trying to manage anxiety and depression, so let’s just say that peace is not exactly my default setting. I’m sure many of you are similar to this, maybe even for similar reasons. Peace is very few people’s default it seems. In this year of chaos and uprooting of so many things all over the planet, it is even harder to find peace, to find shalom.

So I want to pray a prayer for you dear reader. I want to pray for shalom in your guts. I pray for a peace so strong that it surpasses all understanding. I pray for the peace of Daniel in the lions’ den to ring true in your gut. I pray for the innate belief and peace in their fate of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, that even if you feel that you’re being thrown into a firey furnace that you believe that God will deliever you, and even if He does not, He is still good. I pray for the peace of Silas and Paul, in a prison, after being beaten and flogged, continued to pray and worship. The peace of John, who was a “Son of Thunder”, but became the disciple whom Jesus loved, who leant again the messiah’s chest.

But most of all, I pray for the peace Jesus, the peace of God the father, and the peace of the Spirit to work in and through you, to make a home in you, that you let our amazing and beautiful father in. Build our God an altar in your mind, in your heart, and in your gut. Let his shalom ooze out of you, may it fill and overflow out of you.

Let us, as brothers and sisters in Christ, as a family of God, be a culture of shalom. Let our broken world see the peace of God, and may they come running after it. Let us not reflect our world, despairing in chaos of this year. Let us be the people of peace that our God has called us to be.

May you have shalom in your guts, Global Family.

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News

Three Weeks In

Well, here we are. After three weeks, it is about time for an update.

In a lot of ways, these last few weeks have gone both fast and slow. Each week has felt different from the last. I’ll try and take you on the journey I’ve been on.

First week; alright, I am going to be very honest. My first week, well, I was an anxious mess. I felt unbelieveably out of my depth for that whole week. Ethan Briggs, welcome to the adult world. This is the point where I really needed to lean back into God in all this chaos. And with him, I got through that terrifying first week. But, I have been welcomed with open arms into Kairos church. Any other church and I may have run home on my first week.

Second week; time to lean back into God. Time to trust him. For me, that looked like starting each day by reading a liturgy from Every Moment Holy and Philippians 4 each morning. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition , with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” The repetition, reading it each morning, it began to ring true internally. I began to believe it in my heart.

Third week; hit the ground running. Busy? Sure. Stressful? Sure. A brilliant week? Absolutely. God has got me. Time to actually do, (not that I wasn’t aleady, but I knew I had God with me, so I felt I could actually do things). This is my year to learn, to be out of my depth and comfort zone, to get things wrong and to really know what it is to serve God in this way.

There is still anxiety (when isn’t there?), such as finances, having enough for the year, trying to find part time work while a pandemic is going on, and just general adulting. But as much as there is still things that I am anxious about, I know that God is holding it. I know God has it. To quote my favourite hymn, Amazing Grace,

“‘Twas grace hath brought
Us safe thus far
And grace will lead us home.”

He has brought me safe thus far. So, onwards with this journey that God has got me on.

Until next time, Global Family.

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News

Into the Unknown…

In slightly poetic terms, it is the eve of a great venture into the wilds of life. In more traditional terms, I’m moving to Harrogate tomorrow.

I have been completely overwhelmed by God’s provision and the generosity and support of so many people in the last few weeks. Through so much that has been going on, all the ‘adulting’ I have had to do, God has kept showing me that yes, He is in fact with me as I go, in the words of Elsa, “Into the unknown.”

There’s a scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade that is resonating with me currently, (because God can talk through movies too). There is a scene where Indiana has to quite literally step off a cliff in a “leap of faith,” and simply trust he won’t fall. This can kind of sum up how I’ve been feeling. I am really excited to see what God is doing in Harrogate and join in with where he leads me, but a lot of this is new to me, and that can be scary.

But, as I said, I know He is with me. There is so much in store for me this year, and I am excited to share it with you all.

Please be praying for me as I take this step into this next season. A verse that is helping me in this time is Philippians 4: 6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Please pray that this continues to ring true in my heart and mind.

God bless you all, global family.

“I’m going on an adventure.”

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News

My Plans

Hello friends and family, just want to announce my plans for the coming academic year.

This coming year I have been offered and have accepted a placement in Kairos Network Church, Harrogate, (https://kairoschurch.net/) in conjunction with the New Wine Dicipleship Year (https://www.new-wine.org/mission-areas/discipleship-year).

I’m really looking forward to this next step in my journey with Jesus. Currently there is a lot of unknown, but I’m looking forward to seeing how God’s kingdom is moving in Kairos and joining in with what He is doing. This year promises to hold opportunities and experiences that I’m hoping will strengthen the skills that God has given me and developing new ones, whilst deepening my faith and furthering my reliance on God.

The best way of supporting me throughout this next year is to pray. During the year I will be looking for part time work. However, as part of this step of faith I am looking for people who would be commited to partnering with me, both financially and prayerfully. If you would like to know more, please email me (ethanajbriggs@gmail.com).

In the coming days I will be posting more on this and how you can support and follow me in this year to come.